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The axe is already at the
root of the trees, and every tree that does not produce good fruit will
be cut down and thrown into the fire.” Luke Ch3 V 9

 I am in such a weird place right now.
Maybe its a spiritual battle.

Maybe its my own tendency of fear.
Maybe its truth we desperately need to hear.
My faith is being
challenged immensely. My salvation is often called to question! Communication has been scarce on account of not wanting to post incomplete thoughts and nonsense, but know this:

I am truly struggling with what it seems following Jesus must cost.
 

Things like the cost of discipleship in Christ vs.
the reality of my own immense wealth. The need for radical extreme
costly love in my relationship with God and His people. Deuteronomy 6:5 Says “With All Your Heart…” 
This town were
in is really Rich Meets poor and what is most
troublesome is how attached to privilege my own heart is. Its ritzy and
disgusting. Wealth is honestly a serious spiritual disadvantage. It certainly appears that way! It
runs so deep.

Shane Claiborne says hes convinced that God
did not simply make too little of stuff. Its just simply that 20 percent of us have 80
percent
of stuff. The really hard part is that any response to that,
that isn’t completely out of love is totally meaningless. Now the fruit of the spirit is love. So I am praying for that love, Believe me!
I must
honestly say to the Father,
” I’m sorry I don’t love you the way that I should. Help Me!”
The apostle Paul says that if there indeed is no God we are to be pitied more than any man.
If
I woke up today and it occurred to me that there was in fact no God,
Would I be laughed at and pitied
by the world because of what I had done, sacrificed, rejected, been
faithful too and chased after with the very breath of my lungs
?? or would
I simply be ashamed for a short time and blend right back in?

Can I give beyond comfort?
What in life right now is costing me for Christ?

Will I give only as long as it doesn’t interfere on my standard of living?
The early church did not measure giving by what they gave but by what they had left. If one had extra while another died of starvation that person had blood on there hands. There is grace! But “Shall we sin because we are under grace?” Paul says ” By no means!”
Am I a fool for Christ?
I must be. But I am not. Lord help me.

 Friends forgive the extremity of my thoughts, those who know me know I can be overwhelmed by such things but it seems of such great importance.
 2 or 3 months before I came to Africa I received Isaiah 58 from the Lord. I had not previously read it.
It has come up in practical life, conversation, reading and even from another pastor from Pretoria who I had never previously met who believed the spirit wanted him to share with me from the word, Isaiah 58:11 ( a confirming scripture I shared with many of you before I left home) I encourage you to take out your bibles and share your thoughts.  Its contents are of this very nature and I believe God is doing something and its hard to receive because its so counter-nature.

To lay down one’s own life?
unless a seed falls and dies?
Holy, that is, Set Apart?
Common or Christian?
At first I thought they should never look the same, but now see they actually could never look the same.
Perhaps obvious to you, but not to me.